Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Famous last words

I'm old and tired. Inside of my body, there is nothing more than fatigue and regret.
My years are about to end and my heritage to the ones that remain are words.
My very last words.

It comes out of my mouth as an apology. A means to an end, really. I bid you goodbye in my screams and breaths, as I wash my face in front of a messed up mirror. Broken, as I am broken.
Shouting your name to every corner of this city that serves no-one's purpose but my own. Yet you are no longer around to hear me say my words. My apologies, my regrets of yesterday and tomorrow. How I wish... how I wish my words could be yours and my regret could be someone else's.

Reality is the blood that runs through my veins, as a poison that seeks the heart to finish a job someone set out to do. I have killed myself over and over. And I made you watch until it was no longer bearable.

I too had to watch you cringe in despair, sitting in a corner of this house, over and over again. In screams and desire to die.
I help the poison run its course with each bottle of liquor that is finished and thrown against the wall, with all the strength I can muster. Which isn't much nowadays. A scene too many times repeated. A scene you gave up watching in disbelief.

I threw my tears and life and love down the sewage of the soul...
I have nothing more to give. Only regret that serves nothing an no-one. I stand alone. Again and for one final time. My last stand watching the city fall asleep one last time.
No more tears, finally. No more screams.

As I bid you farewell, baby, I leave you my words and little more.
Small amounts of nothing to lay in your hands to rest. As I too lay to rest in this corner that you once embraced against your will.


My very last words are yours, just as I am.

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